All I have to do is dream.

I think I’d like to study psychology some more. It’s kind of strange how our minds work at times, how we are able to assume certain things about someone just by their speech or their posture or their appearance. It’s strange how simple it is that even from infancy we can tell people’s moods by their tears and their laughter. I think the reason why the mind might seem so complex is not because we don’t understand it, but because we understand it very well and just don’t know how to blatantly define it. I’d like to know more about the human mind, mostly because we need it to stay intact with other, and it’s really our minds that either bind us into friendships or tear us into enemies.

There’s something else that I’ve been thinking about a lot as well though that I think would take more studying of the human mind: dreams. As in, the kinds that you have at night or when you take that quick nap after lunch.

Some might find them silly and nonsensical and insignificant to the realer, more superior waking world, but I think they serve a lot more to me than just entertainment purposes. It’s been proven that we all dream when we sleep, even if we can’t remember what we dreamt of. I like to convince myself sometimes that if I go to sleep, I’ll forget all of my daily troubles… momentarily, at least. But, I’ve learned that that isn’t quite the case most of the time. Whenever I feel guilty about fighting with my mom, or upset about being ignored by a friend, or just anything that might wear me out emotionally at the end of the day, I go to sleep, and I dream. These dreams that I have aren’t pleasant, and most of the time they’re nightmares. I always wake up feeling anxious and unable to go back to sleep, and sometimes I even end up crying, believing for those few brief moments that it was all real even though it wasn’t. It’s weird, you know, how the conscious we have in the waking world follows us in our sleep, even if we are physically idle for the time being. I find it amazing that even though these nightmares are stressful, our dreams are where our conscious can, in its own way, personify and come to life.

I also believe dreams are more than just coincidental. I can justify this with my own personal experience. I’m afraid my Libran characteristics are showing a little too much right now, so I’ll save myself the embarrassment by not going into full detail. But, I will never forget that same reoccurring dream I had during the whole week in Mid-March when I was seventeen. It latched onto my shoulder throughout the whole week until it became apparent to me that by some unfortunate fate, I had to surrender to the truth. It’s obvious that we all have our own desires that linger our hearts, some of which are more acknowledged than others. We might not admit to them because we’re either embarrassed or just scared. Somewhere in my subconscious I knew it was all true, and this dream in particular was pushing me further into the truth with its persistency. I woke up on the eighth morning and accepted it. I surrendered, completely vulnerable and human.

While a lot of dreams are strange and confusing, a lot of the time they remind you of and hyperbolize past experiences, they reflect daily troubles from work or school or family, or sometimes they even persistently hint that you are, most definitely, in love with him.

Our conscious carries itself throughout the waking world, and then at the end of the day we rest and give into slumber, and our conscious is still there… breathing and running, even while we are completely still, warm, and huddled under the comforter. We say “Do Not Disturb” to the world when we go to sleep, and then we enter a new one where we can be “awake” and fly and swim and jump and be fully aware of ourselves. It’s kind of scary how that happens, but in a good way.

Because, in that sense our dreams are real.

“Why don’t you be a nurse?”

I love writing. I have, since like, forever.

“What can you do with a degree in English, anyway? Why don’t you be a nurse?” my mother often asks. Cue that common Filipino tone.

I think sometimes she just forgets that I’ve never been too mathematically or scientifically successful during high school (to say the least), nor do I enjoy either of those subjects. But, who cares if you end up hating your job as long as you have a yearly income the size of Texas! Right?

I just don’t see myself as a nurse, or in any medical field. If that’s what you want to do, then that’s wonderful. Those who specialize in medical expertise are important to our community. And I’m not trying to say that money isn’t a legitimate incentive, because it is. We all need money to survive, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be financially successful. Truthfully, having money makes things easier most of the time, especially now with our economic downfall.

But older generations try to restrict young people from pursuing careers in the areas of art and creativity. It’s always, “I’m not paying for art school!” or, “You’ll never find a good paying job doing that, be a doctor instead.” Girls who want to be the next Bette Davis, or maybe just their own celebrity in the forms of music, acting, fashion, or photography, are suddenly the “bad girls” because their dreams somehow don’t have any thoughtful merit, or academic sophistication. But who’s to say there isn’t a science behind their art? I know people who are extremely intelligent and have no intentions of forwarding their education after high school. Do I think that’s a waste? Yes. I’m sure a lot of adults would think the same too.

So, why let a dream go to waste? Why discourage natural talent and drive?

It’s because most of us are conditioned around the belief that money can buy happiness. We might deny it, but it’s very true to an extent. I know from personal experiences with vague “retail therapy” that pretty scarves, and beautiful purses, and trendy shoes mask some of the sadness and worries that anchor onto the back of our distracted minds. Consequently, I think this belief causes us to become judgmental in a way. I know that we all judge each other (positively and negatively) at some point; it’s not something you can avoid. But, think about it. You see a gorgeous young man driving a nice car and we think, “Hey, his life must be pretty damn sweet. It can’t be that hard to flaunt around a beautiful car and look that good while doing so.” Yeah, his life could be great. It could be easy. But we don’t know that. And even if we did know of his potential depression, we belittle it… simply because he has a pretty face, and enough money to buy that lovely European vehicle. I think we all have our own problems, and somehow we think it’s okay to rate our issues against those of others, especially if it’s on the basis of money or social status.

But I do think money can buy happiness. Superficial and temporary happiness, that is. I don’t mean to sound like a fortune cookie, but the things we can’t buy with money, I think, are what should be most important.

I feel like I’m drifting a little bit off to another subject here, but what I’m trying to say is, why does everything have to be about money? Can’t we ever do things just because? Just for our own pleasure and happiness? Why do we always assume that the girl who wants to be the next Bette Davis won’t be happy in the future? …Or that, because her dream doesn’t pay much, she won’t be happy? Why can’t we ever assume the positive? Why can’t she be successful and happy?

You know, I don’t really give a damn if you’re a realist.

I love writing. I have a dream. I’m happy with doing what I love the most. And you know what? That’s real to me. I don’t need money to assure myself of that.

Just listen.

I’ve learned that it’s important to listen to those around you, whether that person is a friend, a family member, a lover, or just a passing stranger. Don’t belittle the story behind their words, and don’t underestimate the impact that your words might have on others. There will always be someone who is listening more than you, and someone who is interpreting you, maybe, not the same way you’re interpreting yourself. I don’t believe that it’s good to restrict your mind, or your words, for that matter, and that’s not what I’m trying to get across. Everything happens in an instant, and sometimes, we can never take back the things we said. Not everyone is forgiving. That’s life.

But it’s just better to think – think of what that other person might be thinking, what they’re feeling, and then speak. Because sticks and stones? That’s a lie. Words do hurt; they break hearts, and that’s the truth. So, listen to your best friend, your mother, your boyfriend, and even your worst enemy, really listen to what they’re saying, and you’ll understand them. I know, and it’s obvious that it’s in our human nature to push away and ignore those who might think differently than us. But I think at times we all lose our capability to accept other people’s perspectives, and we constantly fight back because we whole-heartedly believe we’re right. I think that’s mainly what causes our ignorance, and fuels our unintentional ability to hurt people with what we say. Of course, none of us are perfect.

Listening is important, even when you might not agree with what’s being said, or…what’s not being said. We all sort of have our own reality, and our thoughts and recollection of events might be romanticized and exaggerated at times, but that doesn’t mean it’s not all real to us. Although, we’re all so busy fighting and arguing with each other that we really have no time to acknowledge that. This is something that even I try to fix each day, but like most things, it doesn’t happen over night, because like I said – none of us are perfect. I find myself pushing away and getting into arguments with even those I love. I find myself being stubborn and persistent, and that’s not right. I should listen more.

I guess making an effort counts, though. Hopefully it’ll all accumulate.

♥ Khami

No well-intentioned sacrifice!

“Daddy always told me to remember, leave the boys ’till later, don’t you drop down. Mama said I’d never get to Heaven hanging ’till eleven with the wrong crowd. Everybody’s talking like I’m only just another phony girl who got played, but I dig the music that I’m making, baby, and I’ll break it into your brain!“

So, I started this little blog thing here. The name is taken from my favorite song by the wonderful, and gorgeous group from the UK, Girls Aloud. It’s called “No Good Advice” and it’s a bit female-empowering, I suppose. Girl power! Rah! Haha.

Er, I don’t really know how to work this thing just yet, but at least I’ve got this beautiful banner up. I’m not really a “Joe girl” or whatever, we all know Kevin got it goin’ on, but lately Joe has me under some weird spell (well, not really, just ever since he got that beard…why did he shave it off?!). Thank God I am not the only one hypnotized by his evil womanizing ways, though.

Anyway, I don’t quite know what I’ll be writing in this. It’s just that, whenever I tell people that I’m an English major they always ask if I have a blog, and I always say no (of course). So, here it is. I’ll probably just be updating on a variety of random things and tidbits of my day. I plan on staying active for the sake of my writing, so there will definitely be more useful posts in the future. As for now, stay chill .

♥ Khami